The Intersection : When love has to choose..

Perhaps, this is one of the most difficult things in my life, that I share with you.

Today Singapore is raining, not even today, it has been raining before for several days.  This kind of weather has made a strange kind of mood…which is affected the way I feel about my life. Today I got a call from home that struck deep into my heart.

It is a problem, a serious problem that have to be faced by me as a woman, a student, a working woman, a mother, a daughter, and a wife. I problem which asked me to think deep…and more. A problem that put me into the intersection, when my love has to choose.

I came to Singapore in a strange way. I feel that I came at the right time and the right place. I believe that it was not by coincident  that I meet interesting persons, interesting place, and interesting phenomenon. For an “alien” like me, who came from developing country, Singapore is like a great place,which provide everything that can make my dream come true. I like the living environment here, I like the weather, I like my friends, I like my teachers and seniors, I like my work, which I feel much more better than the place where I am from…I see how people being appreciated of their work, I see how life is being safe and organized, I see how people live in harmony, and I see unity in diversity. I still can here the sound of nature, which remind me of my grandma’s house, I can enjoy walking to school, and I can watch the squirrels outside of my room’s window.

But today, it seems I have to choose….. between everything that I like here, and the other things that I love, also…which are my family and home where I belong to.

I can stay here for the next 2 months or 2 years extended my learning period….or I  probably can realize my idea about being a professional architect who has great jobs and great projects as what I dream before…. but sometime I feel that it is not right…..I feel that my ego will hurts a lot of  people that I love ,too.

When love has to choose… and when I stand in the middle of the intersection….actually I can see in a lot of direction, in which way I have to run. In which way I have to drive my aim…. I hope this love is not my ego,but it is the best for everyone.

When I looked back to this 9 months that I have passed by, I cried through some little things that God has created to me. I believe that all blessings and miracles that He shows me are about  His marvelous works that we cannot see. I do not want the thing that He has done through my life is destructed by my ego, which make the whole thing miserables.

I do not know how am I going to drive my dreams to come true….But I believe that my hopes and my faith will drive me through…..

Until someday, I really will reach my dreams.

~ oleh Christine Wonoseputro di/pada Maret 3, 2007.